笑话。。

Who says our English is teruk? Just read below - Ours is simple, short, concise, straight-to-the-point, effective etc.
WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS
Britons: I'm sorry, sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Malaysians: No stock.
RETURNING A CALL
Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone call for me a few moments ago?
Malaysians: Hello, who call?
ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY
Britons: Excuse me, I would like to get by. Would you please make way?
Malaysians: S-kew me.
WHEN SOMEONE OFFERS TO PAY
Britons: Hey! Put your wallet away, this drink is on me.
Malaysians: No need lah.
WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Malaysians: (pointing at the door) Can ah?
WHEN ENTERTAINING
Britons: Please make yourself right at home.
Malaysians: No need shy shy one lah!
WHEN DOUBTING SOMEONE
Britons: I don't recall you giving me the money.
Malaysians: Where got?
WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER
Britons: I would prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
Malaysians: Don't want lah.
IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION
Britons: Err...Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.
Malaysians: You mad ah?
WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE.
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please lower your voice? I'm trying to concentrate over here.
Malaysians: Shut up lah!
WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU..
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for sometime. Do I know you?
Malaysians: See what, see what?
WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION.
Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment..
Malaysians: Die lah!!
WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED
Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Malaysians: What happened ah? Why like that one lah?
WHEN SOMEONE DID SOMETHING WRONG
Britons: This isn't the way to do it. Here, let me show you.
Malaysians: Like that also don't know how to do!
WHEN ONE IS ANGRY
Britons: Would you mind not disturbing me?
Malaysians: Celaka you!
So which would you prefer? Send this to your Malaysian friends and let them have a laugh too. Good day!




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poor  doggy..  

天才的悲哀...

天才的狗遇不到“贵人”。。。。。

很可怜的狗。。。。。。   

A butcher watching over his shop is really surprised when he sees a dog coming inside the shop. He shoos him away. But later, the dog is back again. So, he goes over to the dog and notices it has a note in its mouth.
有個肉販看到有隻狗走進他的鋪子裡吃了一驚，肉販把狗噓走，可是沒多久這隻狗又跑回來，所以他探頭看了一下這條狗才發現狗嘴裡有張小紙條。


He takes the note and it reads "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please? The dog has money in its mouth, as well."
他拿起紙條，紙條上寫著"麻煩給我12條香腸和一條羊腿，錢就放在狗嘴裡"。


The butcher looks inside and, lo and behold, there is a ten dollar note there. So he takes the money and puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, placing it in the dog's mouth. The butcher is so impressed, and since it's about closing time, he decides to shut the shop and follow the dog.
肉販低頭看了一下，哇！還真的有十塊錢耶！所以他收了錢，把香腸和羊腿放入袋子裡以後再放到狗嘴裡。肉販對這隻狗實在太訝異了，想想又剛好快打烊了，他就決定收攤然後跟著這條狗看看。


So off he goes. The dog is walking down the street, when it comes to a level crossing; the dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the button. Then it waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to turn. They do, and it walks across the road, with the butcher following him all the way.
他們沿著路走，來到十字路口的時候這條狗就把袋子放下，跳起來按了行人通行鈕，再叼起袋子耐心地等綠燈亮起，再行通過這個路口，當然肉販還是緊緊跟著牠。


The dog then comes to a bus stop, and starts looking at the timetable. The butcher is in awe as the dog stops a bus by pulling its left leg up and gets in it. The butcher follows the dog into the bus. The dog then shows a ticket which is tied to its belt to the bus conductor. The butcher is nearly fainting at this sight, so are the other passengers in the bus. The dog then sits near the driver's seat looking outside. As soon as the stop is in sight, the dog stands and wags its tail to inform the conductor. Then, without waiting for the bus to stop completely, it jumps out of the bus and runs to a house very close to the stop.
接下來這條狗來到公車站，開始盯著時刻表瞧。肉販很震驚這條狗居然懂得舉起左腳來攔車，然後搭上了這台公車！肉販跟著上了車，狗把綁在項圈上的車票秀給車掌看，看到這一幕，肉販就像其他的乘客一樣簡直要暈倒了。狗狗接著坐在司機旁邊看著窗外，當下一個站牌出現，牠就站起來跑去車掌那兒搖尾巴示意他要下車了，不等公車完全停妥，牠就迫不及待地跳出公車往一間離站牌不遠的房子奔去。


It opens the big Iron Gate and rushes inside towards the door. As it approaches the wooden door, the dog suddenly changes its mind and heads towards the garden. It goes to the window, and beats its head against it several times, walks back, jumps off, and waits at the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door, and starts abusing the dog, kicking him and punching him, and swearing at him. The butcher surprised with this, runs up, and stops the guy.
牠打開了院子的大鐵門，衝向房門，當牠接近那道木門的時候忽然改變主意往花園跑去，牠朝向窗戶走去然後用頭去撞它好幾次，然後再跑回房門前等候。肉販看到一個彪形大漢開了門，然後開始凌虐這條狗！他打牠、踢他、還大聲咒罵牠！肉販實在不能忍受這種事，就跑去阻止這傢伙！


"What in heaven's name are you doing? The dog is a genius. He could be on TV, for the life of me! "To which the guy responds: "You call this clever? This is the second time this week that this stupid dog's forgotten his key."
"你它馬的在幹什麼！？這是一條天才狗耶！我用我的性命擔保牠絕對可以上電視！"
這男人就回答肉販：
"你說牠聰明？這是這條笨狗第二次忘了帶鑰匙！"


Moral of the story.....
You may continue to exceed on lookers expectations but shall always fall short of the boss' expectations.
It's a dog's life after all.....
這個故事告訴我們.....
不管你再怎麼拼命，老闆都不會滿足的！
這就是做為一條狗的宿命啊....

不客气。。




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性感╀美女bbs.334.cc

     谢谢分享。。。。。




SO现金网┯足球.时时彩.快乐十分SO.CC

(六_合 )投注网┰倍率48.5倍1111.cc

性感┱美女bbs.334.cc

你的笑話真的很好笑。。




SO现金网┭足球.时时彩.快乐十分SO.CC

(六_合 )投注网┬倍率48.5倍1111.cc

性感┊美女bbs.334.cc

幽默5下
兩只青蛙相愛了，結婚後生了一個癩蛤蟆。
公青蛙見狀大怒說：賤人，怎麼回事？
母青蛙哭著說：孩子爹，認識你之前我整過容。
  (愛情需要信任)  
  --------------------------------------------------------  
  小驢問老驢：為啥咱們天天吃乾草，而乳牛頓頓精飼料？
  老驢嘆到：咱爺們比不了，我們是靠跑腿吃飯，人家是靠胸脯吃飯！  
  (生活需要忍耐)  
  ----------------------------------------------------------  
  鴨子和螃蟹賽跑,一起到達終點，難分勝負。
  裁判說：你們來個剪刀石頭布吧！
  鴨子大怒：媽的，我都是出布，他總是出剪刀。算計我?
  (比賽需要天賦)  
  --------------------------------------------------------  
  狗對熊說：嫁給我吧,嫁給我你會幸福。
  熊說：才不嫁呢，嫁給你只會生狗熊，我要嫁給貓，生熊貓那才尊貴呢!  
  (婚姻需要理智)  
  --------------------------------------------------------  
  老鱉調戲河蚌，被咬，老鱉忍痛拖著河蚌來回爬。
  青蛙見了敬佩的說：乖乖，鱉哥混大了，出入都夾著公文包。
  (該裝的時候得裝)  




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